The Davidson Research Initiative trip to Washington, D.C. helped me address a question I have been curious about since before I even enrolled in English 494: Disability and Literature.
Last year, a campus speaker talked about about an exhibition in Atlanta called “Dialogue in the Dark.” This exhibition aims to allow people experience what the world feels like in complete darkness. Visitors fumble around the room, touch different objects, and navigate people. Throughout this semester I have often thought the exhibit might be a good way to experience disability.
When we went to the Smithsonian, Katherine Ott showed us a table full of disability artifacts. There were cases of glass eyeballs, prosthetic legs, and the evolution of the hearing aid. We were allowed to look and take pictures of the artifacts, but I really wanted to touch the objects, put them on, and see how they felt.
Both “Dialogue in the Dark” and my desire to try on the artifacts point to the idea of simulating disability. Throughout the semester I’ve wondered whether Dr. Fox has ever incorporated some kind of disability simulation into the curriculum. Why not let students walk around with patches over their eyes to experience blindness or use a wheelchair for a month to see the frustrations associated with accessibility?
These questions led to a very fruitful discussion about the problems with simulating disability. Our group discussed the idea of wanting to experience disability in order to empathize, but we also realized that wearing an eye patch or sitting in a wheelchair does not even come close to knowing what it is like live with a disability. These kinds of exercises often inspire pity rather than understanding and can lead participants to think that they “get it” when in reality, they have only been costuming disability and not truly living it.
Yet I couldn’t help but feeling like I got a taste of disability when I visited the Hirschhorn. We saw an exhibit by artist Barbara Kruger called “Belief + Doubt.” If you haven’t had a chance to see the exhibit, you can check out pictures on the Hirschhorn Museum website. Pictures, however, don’t do justice to the experience. The words are painted on the eighteen-foot walls in glaring black, white, and red. Reading a sentence requires enormous concentration, stepping back and taking in each letter slowly. I felt anxious when I was trying to read a line while other visitors – who were eager to take pictures without some random stranger in the foreground – tapped their feet and stared at me impatiently. Frustrated and embarrassed, I couldn’t help but think that this must be what it is like for people who have learning disabilities.
In a way, my eye-opening experience at the Hirschhorn and our discussion about simulation are at odds. Was my experience at the Hirschhorn a simulation? Did I overstepping the boundaries in claiming that it felt like having a learning disability? I think the experiences are different because I didn’t walk into the Hirschhorn with the agenda to understand what it feels like to struggle with reading or how bright colors can be over-stimulating to someone with autism. I don’t claim to know what it feels like to have a disability, but by putting myself in an uncomfortable situation, I can better recognize that for me, this discomfort is temporary and avoidable while for many it is a lived experience.
While simulating disability isn’t a great way to show support or engage with disability issues, Katherine Ott helped me understand an important thing that all of us can do to support people with disabilities. She told us about an unmarked, mass grave that was discovered in Colorado a few years ago. None of the people who were buried in this grave were given any sort of honor or recognition – they were simply cast aside. You’d think something like this might make national news or at least be a little more well-known, but often cases like this one in Colorado and others are simply covered up. Katherine told us that these are the stories that stories that need to be told and we can bring these conversations to the surface. This discussion fired my interest in learning more about mass graves like the one in Colorado and finding a way to remember the individuals who were buried and tell their stories. For my final Disability and Literature Paper, I am writing a creative nonfiction piece on a mass, unmarked grave in Stockton, CA. I am really grateful to the Davidson Research Initiative because I think it helped me pair some of the theory and texts we’ve discussed in class with real people and real stories. I hope my project will not only help me make more real-world connections but also give some the individuals in Stockton a voice.
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